“Am I a good ally?”

This is Pride Month, or as my brother Randy would put it, “the busiest month of the whole year.” He has his hands full with managing the Pride issue of Lavender Magazine, taking part in community events, and keeping up with his automotive work. And he’s moving this month. Wow!

You would think that someone like me, with family members in the LGBTQ+ community, would consider myself a good ally. To be the ally of marginalized groups is a laudable goal, isn’t it? With all the regressive legislation and Supreme Court rulings these days, those communities definitely need support. That’s why companies switch their logos from Ukrainian blue and gold to rainbows. Being an ally is a good thing, right?

I’ve never felt comfortable with the term ally. I don’t feel it’s a title I should bestow on myself. People know who’s really in their corner and who isn’t. And I don’t think they would consider most people who proclaim themselves as allies to be truly on their side.

Being an ally often seems performative. It’s done by those of us who have been told our entire lives we’re the best people with the best intentions. And when history shows us we’re not, we try to overcompensate by crowding into other communities’ spaces, talking over them to convince them we’re really not that bad, and acting as their saviors. Being an ally is often more about looking good than doing good.