How to survive a nuclear war

With tensions rising between the West and Russia over Ukraine, we’re again facing the threat of a nuclear war — something younger generations never had to deal with. As a Boomer, I can offer some guidance. I was still in diapers during the Cuban Missile Crisis, did duck-and-cover drills, gave a sigh of relief during detente, gasped when President Reagan joked about bombing Russia in five minutes, and watched Testament and The Day After. So, I know what it’s like to live under the shadow of nuclear annihilation.

The big question is as it was then: If there is a nuclear war, how do you survive it? I can answer it in a meme:

The best place to be when there is a nuclear strike is right under the blast site. You will be vaporized before you realize what happened. That’s because the further you are from the blast site, the more prolonged and miserable your death will be.

Close to the site, you will be mortally wounded by third-degree burns, debris, and intense radiation with no medical help available. Your suffering will be intense, but it won’t last long.

Further out, you will suffer from radiation poisoning. Your death will be long, horrible, and…